seeing through the eyes of scriptures
This is Aindra Prabhu about grhastha life ,he has given his realizations from the renounced sadhu he was,I have tried to explain something about proper grastha life
Rama Roy: Alright, now today is Monday night, the 22nd of May. We’re on the third question. What advice would you give to householders? I realize this question might not be appropriate for you, so if you want to skip it, I understand. But I am genuinely interested in your thoughts on this.
Aindra: Alright, I guess we should make some kind of meager attempt to offer some sanguine advice. But I didn’t enter into Krishna conscious grihasta life. And the reason why I didn’t enter into Krishna conscious grihasta life, one of the big reasons why, is because I was told by one devotee when I asked about the prospects of entering into grihasta life – that devotee told me “Grihasta ashram, or grihasta life, is like going to a feast on a fast day.”
So why go to the feast? If you’re fasting, why go to the feast? Better not to go to the feast. So that seemed to make considerable sense to me. It’s just like, if you’re fasting on Ekadasi, doing nirjal, then why go to a feast? Or if you’re doing Chaturmasya vrata, then it’s better not to go to a feast if there’s any risk of breaking your vrata, of breaking your fast.
So I considered that myself, being as fallen as I am, that it’s better for me not to run the risk of, lets say, possibly trying to enjoy in the grihasta ashram for fear of breaking the regulative principles, which really govern the grihasta ashram and which actually make it ashram.
Living with maya – you can say, as Prabhupada said…
Rama Roy: It’s like making a pact with maya.
Aindra: I don’t know if he said it like that. But he said that a man should know, a grihasta should know, as far as the way he should view his wife is concerned, that he should know that he is living with the personification of the illusory energy of the Lord, in the form of his wife.
So I think the most sanguine advice that I can offer is – here goes Rama – ‘quit while you’re ahead.’
Quit while you’re ahead.
Now somebody may think that that sounds awfully unfair. You know, you just got married, and you have, you know, 20 years of religious duties to attend to, you know, to come out on the other side a paramahamsa. But really, as Bhaktivinoda Thakur says in his book Bhaktyaloka – in that book, Bhaktivinoda Thakur advises that…
Because one man’s food is another man’s poison, just as we were discussing in the last… that’s kind of like the theme that we’ve been, lets say, bring out in all three questions, is that there’s need to see the thing from different angles of vision, practically any question, any answer, can be given from different angles of vision. And some people will appreciate one angle of vision more than another. So, it’s all basically individual, as to what an individual is able to ascertain to be favorable for his progress on the path of uttama bhakti.
One thing we should remember is that in any ashram the real purpose is to cultivate uttama bhakti. And that means that there should be no ulterior motives to be fulfilled in our pursuit of devotional practices. And that there should be devotional practices – not that since we don’t want to fulfill any ulterior motives in our pursuit of devotional practice, therefore we should decline from engaging in devotional practices because if we engaged in them, we know we would be engaging with ulterior motives involved. “So therefore lets steer clear of devotional practices and still that we’re making progress in the grihasta ashram.” Which some people do like that. Unfortunately.
So we should always remember what is the goal of our life. The goal of our life is to attain to the stage of Krishna prema. Radha Krishna prema. So Bhaktivinoda Thakur says in his book Bhaktyaloka, that as long as a man thinks that his grihasta ashram is favorable for the cultivation of uttama bhakti, then he has no right to quit while he’s ahead, so to speak.
Rama Roy: He has no right to leave the ashram.
Aindra: He has no right to leave the ashram. But when it will occur to him… by divine grace. (laughter) Because from one perspective, the grihasta ashram may have it’s favorable aspects. From the perspective of someone who’s perhaps still inclined towards, lets say – even ever so slightly inclined toward unnecessary association with the opposite sex. I say unnecessary because actually it’s not necessary. It’s not at all necessary for progress in pure devotional life. But if someone is still thinking that there is some necessity to be fulfilled by even religiously associating with the opposite sex, then it means that he will naturally – naturally meaning, according to his nature – he will see that there’s something favorable about the grihasta ashram in the matter of the gradual cultivation of pure devotional practices.
So, as long as he’s having such a point of view, and the disposition that rises out of that viewpoint, he actually has no right to consider the higher, lets say… I don’t want to say higher in the sense that someone can become a paramhamsa even in the grihasta ashram if he plays his cards right. Which usually doesn’t happen.
Because people become bewildered by the personification of the illusory energy in the form of the wife’s various, lets say – what do you call it?
Rama Roy: Charms.
Aindra: Charms. Yeah. Enchantments. You know, etc. If someone can lets say step back out of his, lets say…
Rama Roy: Infatuation.
Aindra: External infatuation, so as actually to live a detached grihasta life, wherein even though he religiously associates with his wife, he does not do stri sanga in the sense that he’s accepting the view of the womanly nature as a valid viewpoint. Because generally the ladies…
Rama Roy: The matajis.
Aindra: The matajis, the ladies… (laughter) We don’t want to sound like, lets say, male chauvanist pigs. (laughter) Because to be real, we’re not male chauvanist pigs. We have great respect for pure devotion wherever it is manifest. If it’s from the heart of someone who’s temporarily having the gross rotting corpse of a physical tabernacle of a so-called woman of this material realm, then it’s not that we’re giving glorification of the corpse from which the devotion appears to be arising. Just like we don’t say that scorpions are coming from rice. Scorpions have their origin independent of rice, even though the rice appears to be, lets say, the source of the scorpion. So similarly, it may be seen that pure devotion is arising, and pure devotional activities are arising from the particular external form, one particular external form or another. We don’t particularly pay much interest to the external form. But rather what we’re really worshiping and what we really appreciate and what we really pay tribute to is the bhakti shakti which is manifesting.
That’s what makes a spiritual masters body worshipable. It’s not the body in and of itself which makes the spiritual master’s body worshipable. It doesn’t make one body or another body despicable, in the sense that all the material bodies are generally prone to degradation. Just the nature of the material body itself is degrading, because of the inertia of matter. Matter wants to find it’s own level, which is basically the lowest level. Just like cyntrifical force, you may hearl a ball from the end of a string – you may remember this in physics, if you studied physics in your schooling – then you let go of the string and the ball will go in whichever direction, but it will come down to it’s original state, which is dead. Dead matter. So the material body, in any shape, is dead matter. So we don’t place much emphasis on the material body.
Yet we see that, generally speaking, there are different natures which are arising from the different bodily constitutions, which in of themselves, if they are to be taken on their own merit would have to be considered as cause – greater or lesser cause – for the tendency for degredation. Just like there is a tendency for degredation – something which is heavier has a tendency to fall more than something which is lighter. If you will swing around something which is very heavy, it will fall faster then swinging around something which is lighter.
So the nature… Or lets say the so-called, external womanly nature has a tendency to drag the soul into kama, krodha, lobha, madha, matsarya, etc. You know, into that realm, in a more profound way than the nature that manifests from the masculine -- so-called masculine -- form.
Although to be real, in kali-yuga everything is topsy turvy. So you can hardly say that one white aboriginy is that much more elevated than another white aboriginie. You know, if the white aboriginie is having a male form or a female form, it doesn’t make that much difference. But in truth, there is a general tendency of the female form to drag the soul in the female body and souls who associate with the female body down to a more base type of thinking, feeling and willing which may not be very much conducive to rapid progress toward the ultimate goal of life. So therefore Srila Prabhupada says, he says in Srimad Bhagavatam, I think it is in 4th Canto, that one must give up the crippled life of the grihasta by the age of 50 if not sooner.
So the point is, when you enter into the grihasta ashram, from the very day that enter into the grihasta ashram you have to go into the grihasta ashram that I must do my very level best to get out of this deep dark well of material existence, which is fostered by the association with family, society, friendship and love on the material platform.
If we’re not completely freed from our diseased condition we might think that ‘oh, this is very favorable for our advancement in Krishna consciousness.’ And on one level it may be very favorable for our advancement in Krishna consciousness, but Bhaktivinoda Thakura goes on further to say that when one he will come to position of realizing, only when he will come to the position of realizing that the renounced order is more favorable then the grihasta ashram, then at that time when he realizes there is something more favorable then he has rights to take the step to renounce the thing which he understands to be less favorable. As long as he’s thinking that it’s favorable, as long as he’s thinking it’s the most favorable for him, he has no rights to leave and enter into a more practical position of renunciation of the material or external involvement.
Because generally grihasta ashram means that there’s family, family expansion, family extension… As soon as we get married, not only do we have our mother and father to, you know, satisfy by, you know, the fact that their son has gotten married and all these things… Of course we may be more Krishna conscious than that, so we’re not so much concerned with the previous generations of ancestors, etc... But still generally we will find, I don’t know if you have the experience or not, when you get married than suddenly we don’t only have mother and father, but you have mother in-law, father in-law, sister in-law, brother in-law, and so many others come along with package. Then you have so many friends, so many enemies that you never had before… (laughter) And then the difficulty is that you have to deal with all these people! (Aindra starts laughing) Whereas in the simple brahmachari life you’ve more or less whiddled it down to a fine point... There’s only one thing to deal with, and that’s service to guru. You know? Service to guru and Krishna. But then suddenly I have to divide my attention when I enter into the grihasta ashram… at least I’m not speaking from experience so much as I’m speaking just from my observation of what generally happens to devotees who enter into the grihasta ashram. They end up dividing their attention and something it’s like “one for Krishna, one for me” you know “one for Krishna, two for me” (Aindra starts laughing) and sometimes it gets worse, until it’s “none for Krishna…
Rama Roy: And all for me.
Aindra: “and all for me.” As we fall more and more into the illusion of thinking that our family maintenance and all these things are more or a priority than the service of the Guru and service of Krishna or service of the Deity.
So therefore it’s mentioned that for a grihasta to actually become successful he has to make it ashram by establishing the Deity, worshiping salagram sila, or worshiping the Radha and Krishna vigraha, or Gaura-Nitai, according to one’s own heart’s desires, but he should establish the Deity in the house and the home, so-called home… because actually we should be the home of Krishna, our hearts should be the home of Krishna, you know… and Vrndavana should be our home. Not that hearth and home becomes the center of our Krishna consciousness. But rather Krishna becomes the center of our hearth and home. Hearth and home is centered around Krishna, then it’s possible to realize the beauty of one instruction given by Srila Gaura Kishor das Babaji Maharaja to Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakura, who was feeling very upset that the fact that one of his associates gave up the renounced position in the brahmachari ashram to enter into grihasta life. And he apprehended -- Bhaktisiddhanta greatly apprehended and feared a drastic decrease in the man’s bhajan.
Because actually our real business is bhajan kriya. Without bhajan kriya there is no hope for anartha nivritti. There is no hope for becoming established, firmly establish in devotional practices, as per nistha. There is no hope for getting ruci for devotional practices by which we can hope to get a higher taste by which we can give up the lower taste of various material sense gratificatory attractions in the material world. By which we can hope to increase our attachment for Krishna and get bhava and prema out of the affair.
So there’s nothing saying that a grihasta can’t get bhava, can’t do the work of getting bhava and prema in his grihasta ashram, but he has to be very diligent! If he’s not diligent, if he’s not focused on the goal of his life and he becomes sidetracked by the whining of his wife for bangles and saris and blenders and juicers and all these things, and he himself becomes addicted to the various amenities which he suddenly finds himself somehow or other able to afford in his grihasta ashram, you know, and he gives up his simple living and high thinking, he gives up… and lets say in the grihasta ashram, on the plea of devotional service he cultivates varieties of material attachments and doesn’t actually go for broke, you know, when it comes to making serious efforts to convince his wife and his children and his ancestors that I have no more important thing to do in my life than to cultivate suddha bhakti bhajan, anukul bhajan. And anukul bhajan means that bhajan which is pleasing to Krishna, not that bhajan which happens to satisfy my senses along the way. So a grihasta can be successful in his grihasta ashram if he remembers that it’s Krishna’s pleasure which is the priority, or the foremost consideration. And Krishna’s pleasure doesn’t mean “well, it’s pleasing to me, so therefore it must be pleasing to Krishna.” Krishna’s pleasure means that I may have to suffer. I may have to sacrifice.
As a matter of fact, it’s the duty of the grihasta to sacrifice. In brahmachari life, it’s his duty to engage in tapsya on behalf of the spiritual master. But in grihasta life it’s the duty of the grihasta to engage in yajna. And yajna means giving 50%, and Prabhupada again and again and again tried to press his disciples, his grihasta disciples to understand. But these days the grihastas are saying “Oh Prabhu, you’re such an idealist. You’re living in the past. These days, the cost of living is so high, no one can possible give 50% of his earnings for the worship of Krishna or for the spreading of the sankirtan movement.” At best you’ll see that the grihastas in this movement, at the very best, they’ll give, and hardly they’ll give more, and hardly they’ll even ever give, 10%. Like the Christians give their tithings, 10% tithings. Even the Christians give 10%, you know, to the church. Tithings. But in the Krishna consciousness movement we’ve become so miserly that we can’t understand the importance of this type of sacrifice. In the grihasta ashram it’s absolutely essential that the grihasta, whatever earnings he accumulates, he gives 50%.
Why 50%? Just like, Kholavecha Sridhar – you cannot say that you are poor. Rupa Goswami is no the example of a grihasta who is giving 50%. He’s giving the example of what to do when he finishes his grihasta ashram. Then his whole life savings, he divides 50%.
He gives 50% for the spreading of Krishna consciousness, 50% is divided in half, only 25% is given for his family, so that his family, his wife his children or whatever is aging mother, or whoever can fair halfway decent. It’s not that for the whole fag, till the fag end of his life that he has to worry about all these things. It’s not that according to religious duty… the religious duty is, and the wife and the children, and the aging mother and all these things, they have to accept on the basis of sastra that it’s his religious duty, and if he has only 1 rupee, then he gives 50%, or 25% percent of that one, he gives 25 paisa and that’s his religious duty. If he’s performed his religious duty then he is not at fault. Even if he only gives 25 piasa for the maintenance family if all he has is one rupee. But if he has thousands of dollars, if he has 10,000 dolllars, then he gives 2,500 dollars for the maintenance of his family. Then he’s fulfilled his religious duty. That’s how to end the grihasta ashram and enter into the renounced life.
But in the grihasta ashram it’s Kholavecha Sridhar, who was the poorest of the poor. No one can say that Kholavecha Sridhar… the example is not Abharish Maharaja who was a king and very wealthy. The example is Kholavecha Sridhar, who was the poorest of the poor. And in spite of the fact that he was earning only a few piasa daily by his making and selling of bananas cups and banana plates, etc and banana flowers. By his bananas industry he was only coming up, you know, with a few paisa daily, still he would religiously sacrifice 50%.
Why this sacrifice? This should be understood by any intelligent grihasta, and any intelligent grihasta must abide by it if he wants to get the full benefit of his grihasta ashram and actually become paramahamsa. If he doesn’t want to become paramahamsa and he wants to remain entrenched in the bodily conception of life in the absorption in family affairs and on a very meager platform of Krishna consciousness… then my advice to you is don’t give 50% of your income for the spreading of the Krishna conscious movement – either to the BBT or the Deities in the temple or something. Not just that you 50% for the bhoga for your Deity. That doesn’t count. That’s for your family maintenance. It means giving 50% to someone else, to someone elses Deity. To the temple Deity, to the distribution of Krishna consciousness, to the brahmanas. Not that you say, “well, I’m a brahmana, so therefore I’ll give 50% to myself.” No. Then duty to give 50% to brahmanas is fulfilled.
Rama Roy: He’s very charitable.
Aindra: Anyway, we should understand why it is. Because your heart goes where your money goes! If you work hard for something, your heart goes there, your mind goes there. If you give money for something… just like if you spend thousands and thousands of rupees then you’re going to be thinking about how that thousands and thousands of rupees got spent. So therefore using your good intelligence you should find some way to sacrifice that 50% in such a way that you’re satisfied that your 50% went to Krishna and then because you gave that 50% to Krishna, that sacrifice is going to make you Krishna conscious. It’s going to make you think, you’re mind is going to go to Krishna, your heart is going to go to Krishna. Why that sacrifice is necessary? Because that sacrifice makes you go to Krishna. Otherwise you remain on the miserly platform. yo vā etad akṣaraṁ gārgy aviditvāsmāl̐ lokāt praiti sa kṛpaṇaḥ. "He is a miserly man who does not solve the problems of life as a human and who thus quits this world like the cats and dogs, without understanding the science of self-realization."
So there is a process for self realization in every ashram, if we’re going to consider the ashram. You asked what advice can I give to grihastas. You didn’t ask what advice can I give to devotees. Devotees should chant Hare Krishna and become Krishna conscious. But if you want to ask what advice to grihastas -- first advice is that you should get out as soon as possible! Second advice is that while you’re in you should perform your religious duties in such a way that grihasta actually is favorable for your absorption in Krishna consciousness. And grihasta ashram means that you have to maintain the grihasta establishment. And for maintaining the grihasta establishment you require wealth, you require all these things because that’s what grihasta means. Grihasta is the belly. Grihasta is not the legs, grihasta is not the arms, grihasta is not the head. Grihasta is the belly, and belly means that they provide for the benefit of the rest of the society, the social body. So that means they have to work, they have to til the fields, they have to do some business, they have to do something in order to provide for the sannyasis, for the vanaprasthas and for the brahmacharis. Not that the brahmacharis go work all day long so that the grihastas can sit fat and happy in the temple, which is whats been happening for years and years and years in this ISKCON movement. And then they wonder why the grihastas have to come begging to the sannyasis for a loan or something. The grihastas shouldn’t be begging the sannyasis for a loan to maintain their grihasta establishments for God’s sake!! That’s sheer lunacy! I do say so with all my heart! (laughter) And all my soul! It’s sheer lunacy! The grihastas should be providing for the sannyasis so the the sannyasis don’t have to go beg from the grihamedis. Why should the sannyasis and brahamcharis have to go beg from the grihamedis? They should be coming around and begging from the grihastas in this movement.
But no, the grihastas are so misery that they can’t give 50% for the worship of Krishna or for the spreading of the sankirtan movement to the sannyasis and the brahmacharis who are going out, working hard, distributing books or whatever. Instead the brahmacharis and sannyasis have to go out and sell paintings and sell candles and sell stickers and all this crap! – instead of doing sankirtan yajna which is what they’re supposed to be doing.
Can you understand my words? (laughter)
So for every ashram there is duty... For every ashram there is a kind of sacrifice which makes that ashram successful. If we neglect to perform that sacrifice according scriptural injunctions, according to the instructions of Srila Prabhupada, then how do you expect to get success? In whatever ashram you’re doing… The ashram is only good as long as the ashram is favorable. If the ashram is not favorable, if the principles of the ashram are not being followed, then how is the ashram favorable? Then how are you going to become paramahamsa, you know, in the grihasta ashram unless you do those things to keep you mind absorbed in Krishna consciousness.
You know, grihasta ashram does just mean that “shnick shnick rama rama” and let everything else go to hell. Grihasta ashram means, that ok, you’re taking on that responsibility to act as the belly! So then act! And then you have to use your intelligence how you can do your “shnick shnick rama rama’s” and act simultaneously. Just like the sannyasis, they have to carry on with their “shnick shnick rama rama’s” too. (laughter) But they also have to act according to their dharma… if we’re going to consider varnashram dharma. Otherwise, to hell with varnashram dharma! Lets all just go back home back to Godhead by chanting Hare Krishna and stop all these shenanigans. Simple take up pure devotional service without any consideration of material attachments and all these things.
So I would strongly advise that to become Krishna conscious it is most important -- the most important principle in becoming Krishna conscious is to surrender to the Holy Name, and if you surrender to the Holy Name, if you really surrender to the Holy Name, then Krishna who is non-different from the Holy Name, or the Holy Name who is non-different from Krishna will give you the intelligence as to how to conduct your grihasta affairs in such a way that you can become disentagled from this labrynth of network or misidnetification with the body and with bodily extensions and all these things which go along with conditional life and make good progress to the perfection of prema bhakti so you can be… lets say, use to the Hare Krishna movement in a real way.
What do you think?
Rama Roy: He’s planning to come to Vrndavana by Kartika.
Aindra: Yeah, so, I’m sorry if it sounded like…
Rama Roy: Nothing personal, but the general…
Aindra: I’m letting you know, these are some of my personal feelings and someone may think you know “well, that’s a little fanatical and perhaps it’s a little biased and lopsided and not very considerate of the needs of the (sarcastic: ) poor hearted grihastas.” You know. But I say lets get off the bodily platform and start thinking in terms of pure devotional service instead of making excuses for ourselves. That’s real grihasta, and that’s real brahmachari and that’s real sannaysi and that’s real… in reality the soul is an eternal servant of Krishna and we have no other business whatsoever than to engage in pure unalloyed devotional service. And if we’re doing anything other than that we’re in maya, simple as that. And then the advice should be, you know, to get the hell out of maya and surrender to Krishna. Because it’s the only thing that’s going to make anyone happy… Without becoming happy, then what is the meaning of all of our life’s activities? It’s just foolishness of a frog, croaking and croaking and calling the black snake of death.
The worst tendency that I’ve seen amongst many grihastas in our movement is the tendency to think that everything is alright. As soon as we think that everything is alright, we should know that we’re in maya.
Gaura Kishor das Babaji Maharaja told to Bhaktisiddhanta that “oh, that is the best thing that he ever did. What he should do is he should take the nice offerings to the Deity, in the house, the household Deity, and he should bring the Prasad, offer it to his wife, and he should honor the Prasad of his wife. And in this way, he’ll learn to serve a Vaisnava.” This was his way of making it possible for the grihasta to avoid illicit sex with his wife, by seeing his wife as one of Radharani’s sakhis, one of Krishna’s gopis.
This is an important point that you should try to meditate on and it will of great value to you. This cultivation of how you’re seeing the objects of your senses. Everyone in the material world is suffering from identity crisis. So this identity crisis has twofold aspects – one is how we see ourself, and the other is how we see the world around us. So we have to try to reform our vision of ourself by understand ourself as being eternal servants of Krishna and that will be facilitated by our gradual purification and realization of our eternal relationship with Krishna, so naturally we’ll see more who we really are, what we really are. And how to see the world around us? That is an extremely important point, you know. If we’re seeing the world around us as objects of our sense gratification and seeing ourselves as sense gratifiers, you know, enjoyers of this material world, the purusa, or husband… Actually, no one can be husband except for Krishna. Krishna is the only husband, of all women. So as long as we’re thinking in an erroneous way that we are husband in any way… actually we’re imposter husband, we’re not real husband. So it’s important for us to get out of the… free ourselves from the notion that we are the husband. And then when we understand that everyone is prakriti or female, and that all females are meant to be enjoyed by Krishna, and your wife is also female and she’s meant to be enjoyed by Krishna, and if she’s not an object of our sense gratification then there’s hope for not becoming… what is it called? Victimized by our own exploitive spirit.
(end of tape)
These are my comments:
In 75 there was a big conflict in ISKCON about grhastas and brahmacaries/sannyasis, again in 1990 we should however remember:
naham vipro na ca nara-patir napi vaisyo na sudro
naham varni na ca grha-patir no vanastho yatir va
gopi-bhartuh pada-kamalayor dasa-dasanudasah
"I am not a brahmana; I am not a ksatriya; I am not a vaisya or a sudra. Nor am I a brahmacari, a householder, a vanaprastha, or a sannyasi. I identify myself only as the servant of the servant of the servant of the lotus feet of Lord Sri Krsna, the maintainer of the gopis. He is like an ocean of nectar, and he is the cause of universal transcendental bliss. He is always existing with brilliance." (Padyavali 74)
Srila Prabhupada teased some sannyasis at that time, that you are sannyasi because no woman wanted you.
one mataji commented:
Shanti Devi Dasi --- our only goul is - Krishna prema --- whatever we are .... man or woman - its kali yuga - there are very few who are pure, like here Aindra prabhu - but Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja said everything said for woman can be also applied on man - for man woman is maya - for woman man is maya -
as much we are in our bhajana - less we will be on this bodily platform - grihasta, bramacari, vanaprastha sannyasi - no matter - we are made from spirit - we are going to this spirit - devotion don't depend on body - its coming from purity of heart, it will revealed in pure heart - man or woman pure heart...
Payonidhi Das Das Lord Kapila says that to a man woman is her maya,and visa versa so certainly it is two ways, glad you brought it up
I wrote in defense of one devotee being labelled for having 4 childrenhttp://nimaipandit.ning.com/profiles/blogs/insulting-remarks-to-a
we have to understand Krsna is the real husband of all jivas http://nimaipandit.ning.com/profiles/blogs/krsna-is-the-only-husban...
and Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura showed how a pure devotee can be a grhastha, he realized his nitya svarupa though in the grhastha asrama
,there is some "rumor" however that Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Prabhupada
humbly advised his father at the end of life to engage fully in Nirjana bhajan.Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura also advised that those who are sat grhasthas will daily chant 64 rounds without fail.Srila Prabhupada also encouraged such chanting.
Now on top of this all Srila Prabhupada has mentioned in Vrindavan husband and wife should not sleep in the same room or he said there will be falldowns, butter and fire.
Aindra Prabu ki jaya
Aindra Prabhu tried to save me from grhastha life, and when he saw I got married he was very angry and chastised me ,that was his great mercy.
Even Gaura Govinda Maharaja chastised me when I was a brahmacari:"Payonidhi das have you given up all material desires in
the service of Lord Gauranga"
At that time I was very confused....Sadly I failed to obtain the mercy of such great souls and entered grhastha asrama.
Prahlada Maharaja has prayed:
SB 5.18.8: I offer my respectful obeisances unto Lord Nṛsiḿhadeva, the source of all power. O my Lord who possesses nails and teeth just like thunderbolts, kindly vanquish our demonlike desires for fruitive activity in this material world. Please appear in our hearts and drive away our ignorance so that by Your mercy we may become fearless in the struggle for existence in this material world.
SB 5.18.9: May there be good fortune throughout the universe, and may all envious persons be pacified. May all living entities become calm by practicing bhakti-yoga, for by accepting devotional service they will think of each other's welfare. Therefore let us all engage in the service of the supreme transcendence, Lord Śrī Kṛṣṇa, and always remain absorbed in thought of Him.
SB 5.18.10: My dear Lord, we pray that we may never feel attraction for the prison of family life, consisting of home, wife, children, friends, bank balance, relatives and so on. If we do have some attachment, let it be for devotees, whose only dear friend is Kṛṣṇa. A person who is actually self-realized and who has controlled his mind is perfectly satisfied with the bare necessities of life. He does not try to gratify his senses. Such a person quickly advances in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, whereas others, who are too attached to material things, find advancement very difficult.
SB 5.18.11: By associating with persons for whom the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Mukunda, is the all in all, one can hear of His powerful activities and soon come to understand them. The activities of Mukunda are so potent that simply by hearing of them one immediately associates with the Lord. For a person who constantly and very eagerly hears narrations of the Lord's powerful activities, the Absolute Truth, the Personality of Godhead in the form of sound vibrations, enters within his heart and cleanses it of all contamination. On the other hand, although bathing in the Ganges diminishes bodily contaminations and infections, this process and the process of visiting holy places can cleanse the heart only after a long time. Therefore who is the sane man who will not associate with devotees to quickly perfect his life?
SB 5.18.12: All the demigods and their exalted qualities, such as religion, knowledge and renunciation, become manifest in the body of one who has developed unalloyed devotion for the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Vāsudeva. On the other hand, a person devoid of devotional service and engaged in material activities has no good qualities. Even if he is adept at the practice of mystic yoga or the honest endeavor of maintaining his family and relatives, he must be driven by his own mental speculations and must engage in the service of the Lord's external energy. How can there be any good qualities in such a man?
SB 5.18.13: Just as aquatics always desire to remain in the vast mass of water, all conditioned living entities naturally desire to remain in the vast existence of the Supreme Lord. Therefore if someone very great by material calculations fails to take shelter of the Supreme Soul but instead becomes attached to material household life, his greatness is like that of a young, low-class couple. One who is too attached to material life loses all good spiritual qualities.
SB 5.18.14: Therefore, O demons, give up the so-called happiness of family life and simply take shelter of the lotus feet of Lord Nṛsiḿhadeva, which are the actual shelter of fearlessness. Entanglement in family life is the root cause of material attachment, indefatigable desires, moroseness, anger, despair, fear and the desire for false prestige, all of which result in the repetition of birth and death.
( Prahlada Maharaja is not calling grhasthas for demons ,but because they where from the Daitya race)
Lord Caitanya told Raghunath das Goswami when he was in family life:
“Calm yourself and return home. Don’t be foolish. It takes time to cross the ocean of material suffering. Don’t make a show of “monkey renunciation” (markata-vairagya) simply for other people’s benefit. Enjoy the worldly life in a moderate way without attachment. Be fixed on Krishna internally while externally dealing with the world in the appropriate fashion. It will not be long before Krishna delivers you.” (Chaitanya Charitamrita 2.16.237-9)
Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Goswami Thakur has made the following comments on the word markata-vairagya: “To a superficial eye, monkeys are engaged in renunciation because they live naked in the forest without any fixed home. In fact, they are only interested in their own sensual enjoyment and have never given it up. Such show-bottle renunciation is called markata- vairagya, ‘monkey-renunciation’. Real renunciation comes as a side-effect of pure devotion, and other types of renunciation which arise out of frustration with material pleasures or desires cannot last throughout one’s life. Because of its temporary character, such renunciation is therefore called phalgu, or false. Such temporary renunciation, or monkey renunciation, is also known as shmashana-vairagya, ‘the renunciation of the cremation ground.’
In the Bhakti-rasamrita-sindhu (1.2.108), it is said:
yavata syat sva-nirvahah
svikuryat tavad arthavit
adhikye nyunatayam ca
One who knows his purpose should accept only as much as he needs to maintain his existence. If he accepts more or less than that, he will fall from the supreme objective
vairagyam phalgu kathyate
Phalgu-vairagya is defined as the rejection by one desiring liberation of something which is related to the Lord in the understanding that it is something material
Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Prabhupada has written in his Vaisnava ke:
: Shri hari-sevaya jâha anukula, vishaya boliya tyage haya bhula-- “It is a mistake to renounce something which is favorable to the service of Lord Krishna, thinking it to be an ordinary material sense object.”
yuktam vairagyam ucyate
Yukta-vairagya is defined as the attitude of one who is detached from the objects of the sense, but uses them only inasmuch as they have utility in the service of Lord Krishna.
Srila Raghunath das Goswami has been described in this way when he was a grhastha:
“He has as much wealth as Indra, the king of the gods, and his wife is as beautiful as the heavenly courtesans. If these things have not been able to capture his spirit, then how will mere ropes be able to do so? The father who gives life to a child cannot interfere with the effects of his previous lives’ actions. Sri Chaitanya Candra has given his blessings to this boy. Who can keep prisoner one who was been made mad by Lord Chaitanya Mahaprabhu?” (Chaitanya Charitamrita 3.6.39-41)
Srila Raghunath das Goswami shows us by example that in oder to obtain freedom from material entangelment we have to take shelter of Lord Nityananda Prabhu, he arranged the famous festival at Panihati on the divine instruction of Lord Nityananda:
“Like a thief, you don’t come near me, but simply try to run away. Now that I have caught you, I shall punish you. I want you to feed all my followers chipped rice and yogurt.” When he heard Nityananda’s command, Raghunath’s mind was filled with joy. (Chaitanya Charitamrita 3.6.50-1)
We as grhasthas should approach Lord Nityananda Prabhu in a humble mood like this ,my dear Lord Nityanada give me your mercy so I can become free from these material attachments:
Srila Narottama das Thakura has prayed:
hā hā prabhu nityānanda, premānanda sukhī
kṛpābalokana koro āmi boro duḥkh
My dear Lord Nityananda, You are always joyful in spiritual bliss. Since You always appear very happy, I have come to You because I am most unhappy. If You kindly put Your glance over me, then I may also become happy
āra kabe nitāi-cānder koruṇā hoibe
saḿsāra-bāsanā mora kabe tuccha ha'be
viṣaya chāriyā kabe śuddha ha 'be mana
kabe hāma herabo śrī-bṛndābana
When will I obtain the mercy of Lord Nityanandacandra? When, by His mercy will the desire for material enjoyment become very insignificant?
When the mind is completely purfied, being freed from material anxieties and desires, then I shall be able to understand Vrndavana and the conjugal love of Radha and Krsna, and then my spiritual life will be successful.
Actually to much anxiety pollutes the mind and can create material desires to this is important, a devotee should not be anxious to much for money and material desires of any kind.
By finally getting Lord Nityananda Prabhus full mercy Raghunath das Goswami obtained the lotusfeet of Lord Gauranga under the shelter of Svarupa Damodara Goswami:
CC Antya 6.189: When Raghunātha dāsa met Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, the Lord was sitting with His companions, headed by SvarūpaDāmodara.
CC Antya 6.190: Staying at a distant place in the courtyard, he fell down to offer obeisances. Then Mukunda Datta said, "Here isRaghunātha."
CC Antya 6.191: As soon as Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu heard these words, He immediately welcomed Raghunātha dāsa. "Come here," He said. Raghunātha dāsa then clasped the lotus feet of the Lord, but the Lord stood up and embraced him out of His causeless mercy.
CC Antya 6.192: Raghunātha dāsa offered prayers at the lotus feet of all the devotees, headed by Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī. Seeing the special mercy Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu had bestowed upon Raghunātha dāsa, they embraced him also.
CC Antya 6.193: Lord Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, "The mercy of Lord Kṛṣṇa is stronger than anything else. Therefore the Lord has delivered you from the ditch of materialistic life, which is like a hole into which people pass stool."
CC Antya 6.194: Raghunātha dāsa answered within his mind, "I do not know who Kṛṣṇa is. I simply know that Your mercy, O my Lord, has saved me from my family life."
CC Antya 6.195: The Lord continued, "Your father and his elder brother are both related as brothers to My grandfather, NīlāmbaraCakravartī. Therefore I consider them My grandfathers.
CC Antya 6.196: "Since your father and his elder brother are younger brothers of Nīlāmbara Cakravartī, I may joke about them in this way.
CC Antya 6.197: "My dear Raghunātha dāsa, your father and his elder brother are just like worms in stool in the ditch of material enjoyment, for the great disease of the poison of material enjoyment is what they consider happiness.
CC Antya 6.198: "Although your father and uncle are charitable to brāhmaṇas and greatly help them, they are nevertheless not pure Vaiṣṇavas. However, they are almost like Vaiṣṇavas.
CC Antya 6.199: "Those who are attached to materialistic life and are blind to spiritual life must act in such a way that they are bound to repeated birth and death by the actions and reactions of their activities.
CC Antya 6.200: "By His own free will, Lord Kṛṣṇa has delivered you from such a condemned materialistic life. Therefore the glories of Lord Kṛṣṇa's causeless mercy cannot be expressed."
CC Antya 6.201: Seeing Raghunātha dāsa skinny and dirty because of having traveled for twelve days and fasted, Lord Śrī CaitanyaMahāprabhu, His heart melting due to causeless mercy, spoke to Svarūpa Dāmodara.
CC Antya 6.202: "My dear Svarūpa," He said, "I entrust this Raghunātha dāsa to you. Please accept him as your son or servant.
The life of Srila Raghunath das Goswami should be a great inspiration to us, thus we must carefully read and understand these instructions about Raghunath das Goswami obtaining Lord Caitanyas lotusfeet and becoming ultimately free from family life and go back to Krsna
No matter in what asrama we should take shelter of Krishnas holy name and best is to chant 64 rounds ,(16 is the bare minimum, like if you are sick and you doctor tells you to take 4 pills and you only take one, thus those with sufficient intelligence(sumedhasa) will understand that it is best to chant 64 rounds with quality than 16, but Srila Prabupada noticed
many had hard time,so he made it 16 minimum quality rounds and avoid the 10 offences to Sri Nama Prabhu .
From Prema-vilasa Chapter 17: Shrila Narottama to Shrila Kaviraja on the direct process to achieve love of Krishna:
prabhura achaye sankhya tina laksha nama;
eka laksha bhaktagane kaila kripa dana.
"Lord Gauranga Mahaprabhu standard was to chant 3,00,000 names everyday. But He very mercifully awarded His devotees the process of chanting a minimum of 1,00,000 names of Krishna daily.
shri rupa kaila laksha granthera varnana;
tathapiha karila laksha nama grahana.
"Shrila Rupa Goswami has explained and quoted from over 100,000 different scriptures. Even though he was such a great scholar and devotee he himself chanted 100,000 Holy Names daily.
dasa gosvamira ache laksha pramana;
ei mata sarva bhakta kare harinama.
"Shrila Raghunatha dasa Goswami also rigidly followed the instructions of Lord Gauranga by chanting 100,000 names daily. In this way all the devotees chanted the Holy Names of the Lord daily without exception.
gauranga shrimukhe rupe kahila vaishnave;
laksha nama sankhya kari avasya karibe.
"Lord Gauranga gave the following instructions to all the Vaishnavas Himself and also through Shrila Rupa Goswami: Please compulsorily chant 100,000 names of Krishna daily."
I pray those who are pure devotees will find it useful it is the reward in having written this
and it is for the pleasure of Srila Prabhupada ,Srila Rupa and Ragunath das Goswamis and Gaura Nitai
your humble servant