Being assertive without being aggressive and offensive

[Paramananda das]

Dandavat pranams All glories to Srila Prabhupada
I am taking a class about Vocational skills
vocational [vəʊˈkeɪʃən^əl]

adj

1. of or relating to a vocation or vocations

2. (Social Science / Education) of or relating to applied educational courses concerned with skills needed for an occupation, trade, or profession vocational training

vocationally adv
One interesting subject that came up was about the difference of being aggressive and assertive.
I also read this : http://www.crackingconfidence.co.uk/10-top-tips-for-being-assertive...

1. Meet the person at their level – standing, sitting etc.
2. Speak at a similar volume to the other person, if you are trying to make a point, then it is ok to speak slightly louder – just don’t overdo it. If you are both shouting then it’s probably not going to be a great conversation – postpone it until you have both calmed down.
3. If you are not clear about what you want to say or achieve by this conversation then politely request it be undertaken at a later time or date.
4. If you can, spend some time thinking about a positive outcome for you both, before you meet with the person. Otherwise use no.3 above and use the time in between to do this. It is important not to spend too long thinking about all the possible outcomes, simply be open to the possibility of a positive outcome for both parties.

comment: I once took a class about  "Straight thinking, strong speaking" by Jayadvaita Swami

http://c0677812.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/boox/STSS.pdf

 
vaisnava das anu das Paramananda das

[Paramananda das]

Dandavat pranams All glories to Srila Prabhupada I am taking a class about Vocational skills vocational [vəʊˈkeɪʃən^əl]

adj

1. of or relating to a vocation or vocations

2.(Social Science / Education) of or relating to applied educational courses concerned with skills needed for an occupation, trade, or profession vocational training

vocationally adv One interesting subject that came up was about the difference of being aggressive and assertive. I also read this : http://www.crackingconfidence.co.uk/10-top-tips-for-being-assertive...

1. Meet the person at their level – standing, sitting etc.
2. Speak at a similar volume to the other person, if you are trying to make a point, then it is ok to speak slightly louder – just don’t overdo it. If you are both shouting then it’s probably not going to be a great conversation – postpone it until you have both calmed down.
3. If you are not clear about what you want to say or achieve by this conversation then politely request it be undertaken at a later time or date.
4. If you can, spend some time thinking about a positive outcome for you both, before you meet with the person. Otherwise use no.3 above and use the time in between to do this. It is important not to spend too long thinking about all the possible outcomes, simply be open to the possibility of a positive outcome for both parties.

comment: I once took a class about  "Straight thinking, strong speaking" by Jayadvaita Swami

http://c0677812.cdn.cloudfiles.rackspacecloud.com/boox/STSS.pdf

vaisnava das anu das Paramananda das

PS:

There is a very important part of a book by Dr.Chris Williams " Being assertive" , from his book "Overcoming depressions", I am considering starting a degree in Psycology and there is so many tools that are helpful for ISKCON

and devotees

And since there is sometimes hatred and strong dislikes among ISKCON devotees such  a book will be helpful ..in conflict solution...

 

Srila Raghunath das Goswami has advised:

gurau gosthe gosthalayisu sujane bhusura-gane   sva-mantre sri-namni vraja-nava-yuva-dvandva-sarane   sada dambham hitva kuru ratim apurvam atitaram   aye svantardhatas catubhir abhiyace dhrta-padah

O mind, I grasp your feet and beg you with sweet words: Please cast away all hypocrisy and develop intense, unprecedented love for my spiritual master, Vrajabhumi, the people of Vraja, the Vaisnavas, the brahmanas, the Gayatri mantra, the holy name, and the transcendental shelter that is the fresh young couple of Vraja, Radha and Krsna.

Srila Rupa Goswami has advised us:

NoI 4: Offering gifts in charity, accepting charitable gifts, revealing one's mind in confidence, inquiring confidentially, accepting prasāda and offering prasāda are the six symptoms of love shared by one devotee and another.

NoI 5: One should mentally honor the devotee who chants the holy name of Lord Kṛṣṇa, one should offer humble obeisances to the devotee who has undergone spiritual initiation [dīkṣā] and is engaged in worshiping the Deity, and one should associate with and faithfully serve that Pure devotee who is advanced in undeviated devotional service and whose heart is completely devoid of the propensity to criticize others.

NoI 6: Being situated in his original Kṛṣṇa conscious position, a pure devotee does not identify with the body. Such a devotee should not be seen from a materialistic point of view. Indeed, one should overlook a devotee's having a body born in a low family, a body with a bad complexion, a deformed body, or a diseased or infirm body. According to ordinary vision, such imperfections may seem prominent in the body of a pure devotee, but despite such seeming defects, the body of a pure devotee cannot be polluted. It is exactly like the waters of the Ganges, which sometimes during the rainy season are full of bubbles, foam and mud. The Ganges waters do not become polluted. Those who are advanced in spiritual understanding will bathe in the Ganges without considering the condition of the water.

Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura has sung:

aparadha-shunya ho’ye  loho krishna-nam

krishna mata, krishna  pita, krishna dhana-pran

Being careful to remain  free of offenses, just take the holy name of Lord Krishna. Krishna is your  mother, Krishna is your father, and Krishna is the treasure of your  life.

[Paramananda das]

Bhaktivedanta VedaBase: Śrī Īśopaniṣad 10

anyad evāhur vidyayā-

nyad āhur avidyayā

iti śuśruma dhīrāṇāḿ

ye nas tad vicacakṣire

SYNONYMS

anyat — different; eva — certainly; āhuḥ — said; vid-yayā — by culture of knowledge; anyat — different; āhuḥ — said; avidyayā — by culture of nescience; iti — thus; śuśruma — I heard; dhīrāṇām — from the sober; ye — who; naḥ — to us; tat — that; vicacakṣire — explained.

TRANSLATION

The wise have explained that one result is derived from the culture of knowledge and that a different result is obtained from the culture of nescience.

PURPORT

As advised in Chapter Thirteen of the Bhagavad-gītā (13.8-12), one should culture knowledge in the following way:

(1) One should become a perfect gentleman and learn to give proper respect to others.

(2) One should not pose himself as a religionist simply for name and fame.

(3) One should not become a source of anxiety to others by the actions of his body, by the thoughts of his mind, or by his words.

(4) One should learn forbearance even in the face of provocation from others.

(5) One should learn to avoid duplicity in his dealings with others.

[Paramananda das]

http://vedabase.net/iso/10/en